Tuesday, December 02, 2008


There are many ways to make money. The best jobs in the current world are not always easy to get into. Many jobs require consistent effort and hard-work from us to get through the day, for the amount of money we make. But there are some ways to make money that puts the person at ease, settling his life for the long term. I am listing some of these which occurred to me in random thoughts, in the first part of a multiple-post series

1. Analyst jobs:

There are different types of analyst jobs. But you know about the ones I am going to talk about.

Now, there are TV channels on business news. Now, we usually see these financial experts talking a lot of bullshit which is quite interesting because so much of it is just jargons and the rest is either simple common sense reiterated or gross manipulation/interpolation which the college students are usually familiar with. Let’s see for example:

“The growth rate (of India) might slip from 7.85% to 7.79%, looking at the situation prevailing in the last few weeks.”

Wow! First this guy isn’t even predicting anything. If he at least says that growth rate will come down from 10% to 8% it makes sense. A mere 0.06% is nonsense. Then he adds a “might” to his sentence. And if there is some brave prediction that someone really makes, its nothing other than a pure extrapolation/reference to the past. If the share price for example has climbed from Rs.330 to Rs. 340, Rs. 350 in last 2 days, its safe to say:

“I think we can expect the share price of company X to reach Rs. 355 at the end today.”

Of course, the Rs.355 is to play safe rather than say Rs. 360. Smart, eh?

Now, the weather analysts aren’t far behind either. Probably the Indian weather predictors have the time of their lives predicting just by extrapolating stuff from satellite images, wind speed, moisture content etc. which are regular measurements. Especially Mr. S R Ramanan, who comes in all the tamil TV channels to predict rain and cyclones (He happens to my 2nd degree relative btw). Just chk out this apt comment on him: CLICK HERE. If asked about the heavy November rains which flooded Chennai, he probably would have replied,” I have been saying for a year that it is going to rain but no one listened to me”.

2. Marriage Hall

The situation in Chennai and probably in other cities in India is that marriage halls are overbooked, overpriced and unavailable. If you have a piece of land in any upcoming area, likely to be urbanized/populated in the near future, construct a marriage hall immediately. I have been to halls which have the worst facilities and poor maintenance, but still run to packed house. People don’t really mind marriage halls which are a bit away from the city, but rather they prefer a place which is accessible and is decent enough. Unlike other commercial investments with land like Apartments, Restaurant, or Theaters that are very much dependent on various factors such as location, market trends, finance etc., marriage halls constructed even in bizarre locations in the city are a massive hit. Totally worthwhile investment for the long term with constant money inflow!

If you are really considering constructing a marriage hall, you can consider this next step too: construct marriage halls across India and make it a branded chain of marriage halls, and importantly having an ISO: 9001, 9002…and all certificates for extra brand build-up. More importantly, marriage halls are very good prerequisites for shining in politics and popularizing yourself through marriage posters popularly seen everywhere in Chennai. Check this page on related stuff: CLICK HERE.

3. TV Astrologer

An astrologer needs to establish himself properly to make his business run, with good fundaes on whatever he does. But a TV astrologer seems to be a totally shady dude who just blabbers the most easy-to-say things for astrology, that too predicting the week ahead for you. Now, the dude who does the daily astrology is even worse… he can say anything and get away with it. Now, with the amount of new channels coming in, and especially if your relative or your childhood friend is opening a new TV channel which desperately needs programs, jump into the bandwagon and start an astrology program. Of course, the innovation factor for the program can be very high. Let me list some of these:

1. Use permutation and combination of various free flowing astrology website material to decided the content of daily prediction in the most intelligent manner.

2. Introduce the “raasi-of-the-day” concept and say that raasi XYZ will have the highest strength for next 24 hours. Prediction of this raasi will determine the actions and predictions for all other raasis. Saves you lot of thinking and makes everything very consistent.

3. Include the special section of “bhoomi-raasi” which predicts the weather based on the astrology of Tamilnadu state. It’s too easy because all you have to do is contradict Mr. S R Ramanan’s prediction and get done with it. CLICK HERE if you have missed my previous commentary on him.

4. Avoid making illogical statements like “colors red and blue are favorable for the day” or for that matter other conclusions and correlations at this level of intellect. People have gotten smarter and thereby make simple common sense statements for fillers (however obvious they are).

5. Insert day to day healthy living advice along with astrology in a very subtle manner. For all the varieties of yoga exercises, allot one exercise for each raasi daily. For example, introduce "pranayama" for them to get rid of the "maha-kali-yuga-vayu-dosha". Keep rotating the exercises to make it mutually exclusive on a daily basis and completely exhaustive on a weekly basis.

6. And last and most important: Make sure that the program host is 50+ and looks very religious and stud like the picture shown below. The nama is very important indeed.

MY candidate for the show host if someone wants to start a TV Channel in 20 years:


themiddler said...

Many comment..

1. Who are the people in the photo?

2. What is the name of this template?

3. Is Nama related to that josier? :)

Vishwanath said...

1. The people are my 10th std school friends... it supported the title: REcollections & Reflections... I will keep changing the pic for each post... Lots of IIT pics to choose from
2. You can take the ttemplate called 897 and modify the layout,edit html etc. to give it this look... to add the pic, just go to Layout->Page Elements-> and then Edit the tile, add Gadgets etc. The Edit HTML to adjust the width of layout
3. Nopes... I put Nama as the future candidate if I start a TV chennel

B Shyam Sundar said...

rotfl !

Sunil said...

Ulti crack da... Namma Naidu hall Nama is THE guy for the job...

Ashish said...

You should've got a picture of Nama with the Nama :)

The josier's face is too trippy da :P

Melkor said...

What's second degree relative da???? :o

Desba said...

A second degree relative is a relative who doesnt know me but I know a relative who knows him and is related to him.
Therefore 2 degrees of separation in the relationship

Desba said...

I had a picture of Nama with the nama but it didnt look as stud as this pic in which he looks as ecstatic as Gollum with THE Ring

Karthekeyan said...

Nama should have gone with nama. Unfair!
Agree with the analyst job. I have always wondered if they are conveying anything that we didn't know!
Also, how about playing cricket in some IAL, IBL? That sure seems like easy money.

Desba said...

Wokay.. because of public demand the Nama's photo now has a nama with the help of Microsoft Paint

the-motorcycle-diary said...

hehe! you forgot 1) pimp 2) drug deala 3) open a engg college. Easy money. Nama's pic was the crack